The Sleep Dilemma: Pros and Cons of Couples Opting for Separate Beds or Even Separate Bedrooms

In the realm of sleep, the choices we make can profoundly impact our overall well-being, and for couples, deciding whether to share a bed or opt for separate sleeping arrangements is a topic that often sparks debate. According to a 2015 survey by the National Sleep Foundation, nearly one in four couples sleep in separate beds, with a 2013 study from Toronto’s Ryerson University suggesting that the number could be as high as 30-40 percent. The decision to sleep separately is rooted in various factors, ranging from individual sleep styles to the need for a good night’s rest. In this blog, we explore the pros and cons of couples choosing to sleep in separate beds or even separate bedrooms.

Understanding Attachment Styles

Couples have unique dynamics, and what works for one may not work for another. If a partner snores loudly or if there are significant differences in sleep styles, sharing a bed might lead to frustration and resentment. Relationship specialists suggests that, for some couples, the practical decision of sleeping in separate beds is made with the ultimate goal of ensuring both partners enjoy a restful night’s sleep.

Quality Sleep and Relationship Dynamics

The impact of sleep on our mood and overall well-being cannot be overstated. Insufficient sleep can lead to irritability and difficulty managing emotions, while quality sleep has the potential to enhance mood and foster positive interactions between partners. It should be recognised that for individuals that have grown accustomed to having their own space,  entering into a relationship may not necessarily mean relinquishing that personal space. In such cases, separate sleeping arrangements can be a practical solution to maintain individual comfort and ensure a good night’s sleep.

The Intimacy Factor

One of the most frequently cited drawbacks of sleeping separately is the potential impact on intimacy, particularly when it comes to spontaneous moments of connection. Clinical sexologists highlight the significance of physical proximity for fostering intimacy and  note that no matter how significant one’s confidence may be, the physical distance between separate beds or bedrooms can pose a challenge to maintaining a spontaneous connection. Beyond sexual intimacy, simply sharing a bed encourages warmth and connection, helping the brain release oxytocin, a stress-reducing hormone.

Morning Conversations and Emotional Connection

It’s important to acknowledge the benefits of being in the same bed, especially when it comes to fostering early morning conversations. Sharing a space makes it more difficult to go to bed angry, providing an opportunity for couples to connect and address any lingering issues. Additionally, the shared space creates an environment where couples can express warmth and engage in non-sexual forms of connection, contributing to a sense of emotional closeness.

The Longing for Connection

Interestingly,  sleeping away from your partner has its own unique benefit – it can make you miss them. This longing for connection can serve as a positive force, intensifying the desire for emotional closeness and communication in the waking hours. While the physical separation may be felt during the night, the day that follows might bring a heightened hunger for connection, leading to more intentional and meaningful interactions.


In the complex landscape of relationships, the decision to sleep in separate beds or bedrooms is a highly individual one. Couples must navigate the unique dynamics of their relationship, considering factors such as sleep styles, intimacy preferences, and the need for personal space. Ultimately, the key lies in open communication, understanding each other’s needs, and finding a balance that ensures both partners can enjoy restful nights while maintaining the emotional and physical connection that makes a relationship thrive. Whether in the same bed or separate ones, the path to a healthy and happy relationship is paved with mutual respect, understanding, and a commitment to nurturing the unique bond that exists between two individuals.